True Blood recap
True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from Lafayette’s head scarf, Marnie/Antonia’s talisman necklaces and what Jessica wore to meet the sun.
Well, last week the sexual tension finally got some relief with a spared-from-staking Eric reunited in a patch of moonlight to get it on with Sookie. That’s about the only good thing that happened, with Jesus almost dying from a Grandpa-inflicted snake bite, Tommy having sex with Sam’s girl Luna while shifted into a Sam clone, and Antonia getting full control of Marnie’s body. Looks like there’s trouble ahead, so let’s just hope they give us a bit more Sookie and Eric before the inevitable chaos. Kill Bill
-Bill’s guard, sometime-lover, and witch-undercover Katerina gets killed by an under-Antonia’s-control Sheriff Luis.
-Marnie/Antonia (let’s just call her Antonia here on in; bad tabloid names like Martonia or Antarnienia, are so ’00s) escapes from King Bill’s while Luis goes and shoots him full of silver before self-staking.
-Not to worry, this isn’t a Who Shot J.R.? Situation. Bill fully survives, and now he knows what Antonia is up to.
-Bill has Jessica over to tell her about Antonia and her powers—do we really need Jessica asking dumb questions to explain to us what’s going on? Is this a mid-season catch-up for those who haven’t been watching? Boring.
-Bill instructs his remaining sheriffs to silver themselves and tell all others to flee the state. (Hmmm, why just this state? Does she only hate Louisiana vamps?) They question his orders. (Ugg, are they really that dumb?) Also, why isn’t he calling Nan Flanagan? Doesn’t he tell her like, everything? Maybe they speed-texted.
Say You Love Me
-Debbie and Alcide are becoming blood siblings with the wolf pack of Shreveport: howling, dead dear, bonfires—pretty average.
-Alcide is sulking off to the side, worried about Sookie and the full moon, and Debbie’s none too happy he’s spoiling the party, though no one seems to even notice.
-Debbie relents and says it’s cool if they go look for 10 minutes just to see if Sookie’s okay (we kind of really like Debbie by the way; she’s doing her best) and the pair of wolves spy Sookie and Eric in their splendour in the grass.
-Alcide and Debbie are having some rough sex, and Debbie tells him to “scoot off.” She’s thinking about Eric and Sookie (don’t worry Debbie, so are we) and worried Alcide’s in love with Sookie.
-She cries. and he tells her she’s imagining things, he just worries about Sook, and there’s only one girl he loves and dreams about. Poor Debbie gets a bit needy and makes him promise “Forever.”
Debbie Pelt’s guide to what to wear to a pack initiation
You want to look tough, but not skinhead tough. Leather and denim seems to be the were stock outfit, and we like how Debbie’s simple leather jacket fits her athletic frame. This G-Star biker jacket ($520, ssense.com) has extra seams at the shoulders and hits at the hip like Debbie’s.
-Pam gets into it with Tara and Naomi. Luckily, they’ve got an audience, calling Pam a zombie and recording her altercation for TMZ. Pam lets Tara go but promises she’ll be back.
-Tara knows nowhere is safe from Pam and won’t go home with Naomi. We’d be more sad about this breakup if Naomi wasn’t so bad at delivering her lines.
-A seriously pissed Lafayette and Jesus bounce even though Grandpa says the whole snake thing was an exercise to prove to Lafayette how powerful he is as a medium.
-On the road, Jesus and Lafayette are having shakes and orange soda, and Jesus tells Lafayette who Tio Luca was: a healer, and also his uncle. Lafayette and Marnie are the only people Jesus has met who can communicate with the dead. Could the TB writers be any more obvious about who’s going to be the one to take down Antonia?
-Lafayette is back to work at Merlotte’s with his braids out, a scarf wrap, and wearing a sleeveless, bleach splattered denim shirt—very early–Steven Tyler. The icing: He’s playing peek-a-boo with Mikey using a Lagerfeld-worthy silk fan.
-Mikey’s doll-ghost appears and freaks out Lafayette but only for a quick song for Mikey.
-Jason’s having major Jessica fantasy flashbacks and doing shirtless push ups in boxing gloves and a mid-’00s trucker cap. Hoyt shows up looking like a 6’7” Justin Bieber. He’s worried about Jason and his recovery from rape and being bitten and about Jessica slipping away. It’ll kill him if he loses her. Jason visibly gulps.
Lafayette’s guide to getting around a hairnet
Wear something as unfashionable as a hairnet, Hooker, please. Wrap a scarf around your head like this Stella McCartney animal-print cashmere and silk-blend scarf ($595, net-a-porter.com).
-Alcide and Debbie only saw the first location. Sookie and Eric fall through the front door still going at it: first the rug, then the couch, and all over in every position—this marathon session would leave Sting and Trudie Styler agape.
-During a post-coital cuddle, Eric asks Sookie if she wants him to remember again. She’s conflicted; they both admit he’d be different but Sookie believes he’d still be the good, new Eric. Sadly, neither considers the possibility he could regain his memory and lose all his memories from his recent amnesia internment, fully returning to being the dickish, old Eric that Sookie would never invite into her bed (her words).
-Sookie, who can somehow still walk after all that sex gets a visit from Bill (and, yes, we noticed some of the furniture is still overturned). Eric is in the most darling cowboy shirt—thank goodness they left his awful gym clothes in the forest. Sookie has a bright-coloured bra on under her white top. Very flirty.
-Bill explains what needs to be done, providing a bag of silver chains to secure a scared-looking Eric, since he won’t leave his Sookie. He may be a tiger in bed, but he’s still a lamb when it comes to scary vampire stuff.
-Sookie wraps up Eric who gets a little cocky that he’s old enough to beat whatever spell is coming his way, but Sookie couldn’t bear to lose him, so won’t take any chances. He asks her to stay with him and this time she does.
-They resume their chat about remembering: He doesn’t want his memory back, and she’s forgiven him for past wrongs. He just wants to stay with her and be happy.
Sookie’s guide to post–marathon sex lingerie
We have to give it to Sookie for not throwing on sweatpants. She’s got on cute shorts, a top, and, saucily, a bright blood-orange bra. We love fun, juice-hued underpinnings, like this T-shirt bra from Joe Fresh ($14, joe.ca), which would pop against tan skin like Sookie’s.
The Brother Grim
-At the hospital Tommy is getting checked out for food poisoning. Sam is fussing over him, but Tommy won’t admit what happened.
-Sam calls up Luna, who is at work but not wearing a turtleneck like she told him she always does. Instead, it’s teacher cleave and a tight denim skirt—she’s still pissed.
-A clueless Sam corners Luna after class, and it takes a bit of back-and-forth, but they figure out what Tommy did. Both look stunned and repulsed.
-Tommy awakes to find Sam staring at him. Creepy. He thinks Tommy has a master plan to kill him and steal his life.
-Sam sets about strangling Tommy, not wanting to hear excuses. He relents but tells Tommy to leave forever. These two have more ups and downs than Ike and Tina.
Luna’s guide to respectable teacher workwear
I don’t remember any of my teachers showing cleavage or that much bare leg (I think they all wore Secret Pantyhose back when I was a kid). If you’re going to do a knee-length denim skirt, choose one with a bit of the ’70s nostalgia that was so prevalent this spring and going strong into fall, like a Topshop denim A-line skirt ($14, topshop.com).
Gathering the Brooms
-Tara wanders down a highway, boozing, with True Blood swamp sound effects playing eerily in the background. Out of the shadows emerges Antonia.
-She introduces herself to Tara and knows about Tara’s rape and abuse at the hands of vampires. To recruit Tara, she shows her a quick hit of Spanish witch-o-vision: fire, stakes, rape. Exacting retribution on vampires? Tara is in.
-Tara recruits Holly back to the fold, and the witches gather and await Antonia at the Emporium.
-Antonia makes a dramatic entrance—no real makeover here like I was hoping, though. She must have a closet of those long-sleeve maxi dresses, because now she has one on in black and white with another low slung belt and a few talismans around her neck.
-Antonia introduces herself to the amateur spell-casters, who look more like residents of the local trailer park meeting about the backed-up septic tank.
Antonia’s guide to accessorizing your maxi dress
Since this appears to be the new witch uniform, let’s concentrate on adding some unique touches with accessories. We’re not huge on the belt that’s slung low in the front (hello, unflattering pooch), but she does have decent taste in jewelry. We like the idea of having a talisman of our very own, something mystical like Black Sheep and Prodigal Sons Splinter Necklace ($95, idontlikemondays.us), made of splinters taken from a decaying synagogue in NYC that are dipped in oxidized sterling silver.
Chains of Love
-At Bill’s the guards are securing the house for Hurricane Antonia. Jessica is getting strapped down with silver as Bill is fussing over her like a concerned papa—worried about her pain, he goes light on the chains.
-Jessica and Bill say their possible last words to each other. She thanks him for making her and confesses she doesn’t love Hoyt.
-At Fantasia, Pam is looking better, having gotten some kind of vamp filler to help with her face, injected with panache by our favourite Fangtasia waitress, Ginger, who is wearing a Hustler tank top. Ginger throws a silver blanket over Pam to secure her, and her pink-quilted top, cream sideboard coffin—she really is Vampire Barbie—is shut tight.
-At the Emporium, the witches do their Latin chanting in a circle. That telltale wind blows and Antonia levitates.
-Jason stops by to tell Sookie he isn’t a werepanther, and the wind starts blowing and she catches Jason up in 140 characters or less and rushes down to a screaming Eric.
-Jason’s first thought (when one finally forms in his thick skull) is to save Jessica, and he goes charging out the door to Bill’s.
-At Fangtasia, a windblown Ginger jumps aboard Pam’s quaking coffin. We’re guessing Ginger has ridden a few bull machines in her day, but she looks terrified in her signature way. Seeing her cling to the top of that coffin is the biggest laugh-out-loud moment of the episode—the GIFs it hath wrought are amazing.
-Bill didn’t put enough chains on Jessica (duh), and she gets free and drags herself to the front door while Bill orders and pleads for her to stop and let him come with her.
-Jason rushes to her but gets clotheslined by a guard. We hear a gunshot, and Jess opens the door exclaiming, “The sun!” and there’s a cliffhanger in true True Bloodstyle.
Jessica’s guide of what to wear to meet the sun
Okay, she didn’t know when she went to Bill’s that this might be her last outfit ever. We have to hope she would’ve skipped the out-on-the-farm look of horrible cuffed jeans and slightly ill-fitting flowered western shirt. How to do that shirt right: More loose-fitting and in a softer fabric like True Religion’s Mick Western Shirt ($88, revolveclothing.com).
And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 8 next Monday August 15th! Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada.